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Date: 2011-01-12, 5:28PM PST
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Have you ever met a guy who knows a cat who has his own blog? Would you like to? Hi, I’m Ryan David Koziel, and I’m a professional.

Before I get started, you should know I do a lot more than just promote proficiency in the feline blogging community. I also:

• Swim really, really fast
• Have a child-like obsession with whiskey and automobiles (though I don’t condone underage drinking and/or driving)
• Cook without using the microwave OR boxes with instructions on them
• Randomly quote lines from Fight Club – sometimes at inappropriate times
• Throw a mean ninja star

But enough about me, let’s talk about me. And why you’re here.

First, you obviously need someone who can design. Boom – I’m the best designer you’ve ever seen (have you checked out my cat’s blog yet?). From websites and billboards to packaging and apparel, I can do it all. And don’t even get me started on typography. When most kids were thinking about Cindy Crawford and Pamela Anderson beneath their sweaty sheets, I was fantasizing about typography and logos. You say gross? I say I’ll take a sexy ligature over a weird lip mole any day.

But you also need a guy who’s good at strategy, right? Well, I’m the strategic equivalent of that third fist behind Chuck Norris’ beard. I’ve never lost a game of Risk in my life and my penchant for strategery—whether it be for brands, campaigns or the placement of buttons on a site—has led to many celebratory beers/hi-fives with my clients and/or colleagues.

Oh, but wait, you ALSO want a great leader! Did I mention I’m a direct descendent of Napolean, George Washington and Moe Howard? I didn’t, because that would be lying. I’m much taller than Napolean was. But I do have the gusto to give direction on anything from a photo shoot to a big ticket website, and my ability and willingness to lead a team into battle knows no bounds.

I can do all these things and more. Try me.

TL;DR: Dude’s good at design, strategy and leadership. Set-up a blog for a cat. May be related to Moe Howard. All things that would make him a great addition to your team. Should be hired without the slightest hesitation.

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